Love, serve, and give and you will always be happy.

Finding happiness can be tricky, since it is always right there to be captured and so often not seen by so many. Also, at times we may find ourselves pursuing happiness in ways that will not give such results. However, if we were to focus on loving one another, openly, humbly, and compassionately or having a loving outlook full of gratitude, we may simply find ourselves in the realm of happiness. Just like that. In addition, serving and giving can bring great joy to us. How amazing is the feeling when you are able to serve as a volunteer in your community for a neighbor in need or when you give a donation to a meaningful charity, family or cause in need. Focusing on all 3 areas of loving, serving, and giving brings joy and happiness to the heart, soul, person, and community.

In a time when we are facing economic instability and still coming to terms with natural disaster Super Storm Sandy, it’s easy for us to turn inward and feel unable to help others when we ourselves can’t see the light. How can we give, if we can’t make ends meet? How can we help others, when we are also struggling with no home from the storm? It is especially important during these times that we do give and serve instead of falling into our own pity. And by doing so what we receive is our true richness, our happiness.

Giving a little means a lot. Small and local businesses are now coming up with creative ways to support their community. It’s no longer about writing a check. Many of us don’t have the dispensable funds to write out a check or also realize that it may not be as rewarding as we would like it to be. Instead, consumers can find satisfaction in working with companies, businesses, and organizations that help make it accessible to give back. For example, some retailers may sell items that give a percentage of the sales to charity, or others may be doing a coat drive for a local shelter.

For those of you who are new to our studio, while we recently opened in September 2012, in November we were offering a weekly community Yoga class that was complimentary if you brought in a nonperishable food item for the Rutherford’s Food Pantry. My family and I, like many were displaced from our home in Hoboken for two weeks due to Super Storm Sandy and we came every day ready to open the studio immediately after the storm and especially for the community classes we were offering. It was important for me to be here for others who needed to work out and find a place to release their stress.

Dancetuary focuses not only on providing a place to move our bodies through dance, fitness, and yoga, but also on giving back to its local and national community. Along with creating sales and promotional goals we also write out our giving goals. We feel that through giving one receives. Being a new studio owner giving is a lot to take on. However, I strongly feel that it is essential for us to serve and give to others.

We found creative ways to form community contribution. In addition to November’s community yoga classes we hosted a couple Zumbathons® (Zumba® classes in which proceeds go to charity) for Rutherford High School’s Project Graduation and Nancy Coleman’s Breast Cancer Foundation. We also hosted a willPower & grace® plank challenge where women and men held their plank as long as they could and raised money for the American Red Cross. And we finished the year by collecting toys for Toys for Tots. We are looking forward to more Zumbathons®, community classes, and other creative events to bring awareness for families, organizations, and special causes.

Dancetuary offers an opportunity to work out, dance, or practice while giving back to its community. In our yoga classes we often talk about taking our practice off the mat, and by doing so is by loving, serving, and giving in our community.

Remove the “I” from any equation and the result will always be the same=Happiness. And so as consumers, residents, neighbors, friends and family you can always find ways to serve and give. One powerful way is by reaching out to your favorite local shops or place of service and ask if they are open to supporting a charity or organization in need. All you need to do is give a little, but definitely still give. When you think you are down, there is usually someone else worse off that can really use your support. We are Jersey Strong, and we are also Jersey Happy.

Below is a rough, not limited to, list of all the charities, organizations, and causes that we will support in some form or fashion. By all means, you can see that this list small compared to all those in need, so if you know of a cause, charity, family, etc. that can use our help, please, let us know.

Best in health,
oxox

Abi

Dancetuary’s (Incomplete) Giving Goals:

·         January: ALS

·         February: American Red Cross

·         March: PSP, Rutherford High School's Project Graduation

·         April: Parkinson’s’

·         May: MS

·         June: Bloomfield Animal & NJSPCA

·         July: to be determined

·         August: Rutherford Education Fund

·         September: Global Mala

·         October: Breast Cancer Awareness

·         November: Rutherford Food Pantry/Alzheimer’s (Forget me Not)

·         December: Toys for Tots

To be scheduled: Off The Mat and Into the World and many more... 

Best in Health

Best in Health (December 2012)

One of my friends signed her email to me “best in health.”  I actually don’t remember what the email was about, but those 3 words stuck with me. So much so, that I now sign my emails best of health. (I hope she doesn’t mind.) That is truly my wish for everyone; that they are in their best health. When people are in their best health then they are happy and with happy comes the life they love.

Our health is something that we so often take for granted. We put it on the back burner and fill our minds with excuses as to why not put it front and center. What many don’t realize is that you either are not performing at your optimum or may not be able to conduct your day to day activities at all if you don’t put your health first.

What is our health? What is it to be healthy? It’s not 2% body fat and model thin or benching our body weight times 2. It’s being at a place where we are happy with our life (inside and out). Sleeping, eating, and sweating with balance.

·         Fully resting when our body or mind are tired.

·         Sweating an hour each day or 3-4 times a week, and

·         Making conscious decisions of the food we are eating.

 It’s that simple! But for some reason it’s so hard for many—including me. J

For a very long time, my cousin referred to me as a “skinny fat person.”  I was thin in my early 20’s but definitely not healthy. You could see it too, in my skin, my hair, and my overall demeanor and outwardly approach to life.  The latter was the saddest part of me not being healthy.

For years, I struggled with sadness, possibly depression, uncertainty, anxiety, etc. I spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I went to numerous doctors, therapists, social workers, and psychiatrists. It was the same story, over and over again: I wasn’t happy, tired, and not sleeping (enough).

It wasn’t until my mid 20’s that I stumbled onto dancing salsa. I LOVED it! I was so excited about it. I went out dancing just about every night, took lessons, and joined dance groups. I was hooked/addicted (I will talk about addiction another day). Wow, life was great. After a few years, of living and dancing in Philly, I moved to Long Island. I continued dancing, teaching dance and even dabbled in competing. I still didn’t make the connection that dancing was my happy drug.

It wasn’t until I got involved with Zumba® that I realized the mind body connection in sweating! It finally dawned on me that I enjoyed working out because it released endorphins. Thus, since I was so happy with my life after a workout/dance or in looking forward to a workout/dance, I made consciously good decisions about the rest of my life: food, relationships, career, money, etc. I began living positively and once again looking forward to accomplishing goals.

I continued to combine my love for dance and fitness and continued pursuing additional fitness certifications and also received my 200HR RYT Yoga Certification. All of this led to where I am today. Through body movement we strengthen our mental and emotional minds.  

When I don’t work out for days at a time, I feel lazy, uninspired, and just blah…but when I consistently maintain a workout schedule (which at times includes just walking to the park with my little one) I feel fresh, inspired, motivated, positive, etc.

Through my body feeling so amazing, I consistently try my best to make better decisions for the rest of my life. One important one is the food I eat. This also gravely impacts your body’s health—thus your life’s health. There are healthy foods that give you energy, naturally and there are others that can drag you down, add fat to your body, and take you/energy for an emotional roller coaster.

Healthy is different for everyone. What I do know is that many of us fill our minds with excuses, negativity, and sadness preventing us from being healthy and happy.

Probably the number one excuse is that there isn’t enough time. However, what one must realize is that when you take the time to work out you gain more time in your day/evening. How so? Well, when you are working out, dancing or practicing you will usually release endorphins thus giving you more positive energy. We can accomplish so much more in a day when we actually have positive energy. When we don’t go for that workout after work or school, our chores, making dinner, or doing work becomes a daunting task and we move/think slower than if we did work out. Trust me. Try it one day or for a week and see all that you accomplish. Create a workout for a week (maybe just 4 days) and then reflect on how your body and mind feel after 7 days. What decisions you made that were different than your usual, what did you accomplish that surprised you, and how did you overall feel about yourself?

The second excuse is probably that it’s too hard to work out or don’t know the moves or how to use the machines. That’s why it’s important to shop around and find what fits for you. Just like when you are looking for the perfect shoes to go with your cute dress/suit you have to find a place that offers what interest you, offers you diversity, and also has professionals that know what they are talking about and what they are doing. Simply think about your passion. Something you have always wanted to do but didn’t have time, or didn’t know how and so you never did…”Google” it and take a class!

Working out doesn’t always have to be the conventional treadmill, weights, etc. It can be salsa dancing, yoga, etc. All that is important in being healthy is moving your body, not how many reps, how much weight, or how far you’re running.  

Prioritizing your health is prioritizing yourself first. Focusing on your health lowers your risk for illness, disease, and fatigue. If we don’t have our health, we can’t:

·         Love—which is our sole purpose of existence.

·         Take care of our loved ones (i.e., family, friends, etc.).

·         We can’t perform our job at our fullest potential because we are tired, negative, and unable to think creatively.

·         Be happy because we are full of negative thoughts, sadness (possibly depression) and stress.

·         Live the life we love—NOW!  Because we are too busy making excuses.

I only speak about things that I have experienced firsthand. I know that healthy is different for everyone. But I also know what it’s like not to focus on your health first and that is simply sad. Walgreens has a commercial with a tagline “come find us at the corner of happy and healthy.” I love it! It’s exactly where you want to be (on the corner of happy and healthy—not necessarily Walgreens). You don’t have to make huge changes in your life, just have to take it step by step—but you do have to take that step, before it’s too late.

I now maintain a balanced workout schedule, teach fitness, make conscious decisions about the food I am eating, and write goals. I no longer need to see doctors or therapists or even take any prescription or over the counter anything (medicine, supplement, etc.). I focus on what I want in my life and work towards achieving it. I do this all because I prioritized my health first.

Best in health,

xoxo

Abi

Gratefulness is the solution to EVERY problem.

Gratefulness is the solution to EVERY problem. (November 2012)

I love Thanksgiving, I love November, I love the Fall season. This time of year brings my awareness to the importance of a simple word such as gratefulness, being grateful. Every day that I open my eyes, I am grateful. Above all, I am grateful for life. I think that if we all take the moment to appreciate our actual life—the fact that we breathe in and out on our own. Such a job is something so amazing, beautiful and precious that it is worth being grateful for, regardless of what our life encompasses.

I once heard a sermon on TV, one of those religious shows of some kind, and he described how we complain when the alarm goes off in the morning before we go to work. He gave lots of examples, to prove his point, which was, what if we focused on being thankful that we actually can open our eyes and hear and move our body to turn off the alarm and be even more grateful that we have a job to go to. Simply having those positive thoughts in our head when the alarm goes off, can all of the sudden change things. When life is looked at through those lenses, then all of your problems go away. This is where my quote stems from: “Gratefulness is the solution to EVERY problem.” AND IT IS!

I can only speak for myself, of how at times I focus on the small stuff, the small problems, the negative aspects of life and don’t put as much time or effort to focus on the good, the great, the awesome. One, being that we have life; that we are on this earth pursuing our goals and dreams. Some of us weren’t/aren’t so lucky as us, when their life ended so soon. Some of us didn’t get to see each other grow up, spend time with grandchildren, witness daughters’ wedding, etc. So sheer gratefulness of life should put us in a blissful state of mind that there could not be a single problem in this world that can take that away from you.

Yes, it is a bold statement, but there is no problem that is bigger than me and my life. Every challenge or obstacle that we face in our life is 1. Not permanent, and 2. Is a gift. If we look at every worry this way then we will live a happy life regardless of what we may be facing.

When I say that nothing is permanent, I mean it. Debt comes and goes. One day we have money and one day we don’t. One day we have less money and other days we don’t have it all. Life changes, like the seasons. Things come, go, return, and change. Nothing is permanent. And often if we just carryon looking at things positively and being grateful for all that we do have and not dwell on the negative, we can be happy while the obstacles we are facing moves through its course.

Most people won’t say that addiction is a gift, or that abuse, disease, illness, or debt are gifts. I am saying that the journey is a gift. The journey of facing life head on, with strength, positivity, gratefulness, and humbleness is extremely rewarding.

I wrote in my previous blogs about my mom’s passing. This life event is a good example to show how nothing is permanent and how everything is a gift. I witness and followed my mother’s battle with a rare incurable disease. For four years, myself, along with my family cared for her and saw her physical body wither away. We saw her go from a highly active woman, to a vegetative state where she needed to be tube fed, bathed, and dressed by others. It was so extreme that in just 4 short years, such a drastic change in her life occurred.

During this time, I was simply going through the motions, trying to be positive, focusing simply on the task at hand and not dwelling on the disease. I couldn’t be bothered to get caught up on what was actually happening: her organs were shutting down and she was dying. Instead I focused on the time that I had with her, on our journey together, on the evenings of prayer, on the mornings where she would open her eyes with such happiness. I can’t say that there weren’t moments where I thought, why her? Why us? But I knew that those thoughts wouldn’t lead into anything positive. All I wanted to do was hold on to every ounce of breathe that came in and out of her.

Through her journey of her last couple of years of life, she would wake up with such happiness; almost as if she forgot she was even ill. Maybe she did, not sure. She would open her eyes with such excitement and happiness; you can tell that in her ill state she was just grateful for life that morning. She was grateful to see her children, husband, and family.

And that is what it’s all about. Regardless, of your challenges….name it, what is challenging you in your life, right now? What is holding you back from saying “I love my life!” ________________________

Is it debt, lack of companionship/relationship, weight, illness? Now stop and think about what the journey has been like, what have you accomplished through this time period? For example, let’s say you wrote “I am in debt.” Awesome! What have I done in the past year with no money? Have I still been able to spend time with friends and family, put food on the table, hold a job, make memories? If the answer is yes to most or all of these questions, then who cares about the debt? So you haven’t been able to go to Paris for vacation. You have been able to do more priceless things, such as spend meaningful time with those who love you.

Okay so you open your eyes in the morning, and you have a disease, a chronic disease that is killing you, that you are fighting with all of your life, you are fighting for your family, friends, and yourself. What good has come from it? Have you seen how amazingly strong you are, how supportive your friends and family are, how they are comforting and cheering you on? Even if this disease were to end your physical life, you still have your legacy. You still have your spirit and soul to live on forever and ever through your relationships you leave behind. Why dwell on the negative aspects of your physical state when you have your legacy that can last for many, even many lifetimes. So when I say that life is a gift regardless of what you are facing, the sheer fact that you are alive and can open your eyes is a gift. We need to be more and more grateful for that every single day.

My mother passed away, but I still carry her heart, soul and legacy with me every single day. And I am grateful that I had her for my 34 years of life. Some people can’t say that. While I did have to say goodbye to her in this physical world I am so grateful that I had her for the time that I did. My mother was the oldest of 17 children. I am grateful that I know all her siblings—my aunts and uncles and her parents—my grandparents.

As I raise my son without my mom’s physical support, it is who she was and how she loved me that is carrying on and being passed on to him. He will never get a chance to meet her in his lifetime but I know that he will know how she was loving, giving and serving, how she put her family first, and how she always had a sense grace in all that she did. He will know her through my stories, my photos and videos, and through who I am as a person. Her legacy will live on for many, many years

This Thanksgiving I am grateful for my life, my health, my family, friends, Dancetuary, and soooo much more! I am grateful for everything! I am devoted to loving, giving, and serving so that I can continue to always be happy and living a life that I love.

Love, serve, give and you will always be happy.

xoxo

Abi

Dancetuary=Dance+Sanctuary

Dancetuary=Dance+Sanctuary (September 2012)

In this first blog, I would like to share the story behind the conception of Dancetuary, its vision and purpose. While you can read the About Us on my website; it doesn’t tell you about the pivotal events that occurred in my life to bring Dancetuary to a reality. There are three moments in my life that led me to open the studio and create the current space.

·         It begins with the death of my mother (which was only 2 years ago).

·         The second is my separation from my job and at the time my career.

·         And the third major life changing event was the birth of my son.

Combined they each taught me that life is so short and precious; that I need let go of the life I have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for me, and that I need to live a life I love—now. Not later, not tomorrow but right NOW!

No one should ever lose their mom.

I lost my best friend. She was my number one supporter, believer, and advocate that I can do anything and succeed. And 2 years ago, I lost that. When my mom passed, I was busy being strong for my family and making sure that all the T’s were crossed and I’s were dotted in terms of the logistical aspects when someone dies. I then went back to work within 10 days after she passed. I worked, worked, and worked. I threw myself in my work, and worked hours and hours and didn’t realize that I wasn’t giving myself time to mourn or the time needed to find peace within. It was 4 years from diagnosis to her passing, and those 4 years took a toll on all of us (family and friends). Part of me died when she died, and I just continued with the motions of the circle of life without acknowledging myself. How many times do we do that in our life? We don’t face head on and work through the challenges that we are facing and rather place it aside to busy ourselves with meaningless motions. Living a life that you love isn’t rainbows and pots of gold always but it’s seeing the good in everything and facing everything with an open and understanding heart.

Losing my job was equivalent to losing my identity.

A year later, I lost my job. During that time, I identified myself through my work. So when I lost my job, I felt like I no longer knew who I was. I didn’t know where to begin to understand who I was because to me everything that I thought I was good at was now compromised. Feelings of betrayl filled me; I worked so hard, doing everything that I was being told, but the one thing I wasn’t doing was being myself.

Fitting enough, it was at that moment that I started mourning my mom’s death (a full year later). I cried, cried and cried; every day before my wedding which was 3 weeks after I lost my job. It was just profound the amount of sadness and emptiness I was feeling. She wasn’t there for me to turn to; she wasn’t there to tell me that everything was going to be okay. Maybe I mixed the feelings I had from losing my job with the death of my mom. How often do we do that? We just pile up all our negative occurrences on the same pile. A friend once referred to it as the “shit pile.” We get into the negative spell that everything bad happens to us, because we keep piling it on. Even within the most difficult moments, there is good.

Taking the time to reflect is necessary.

Someone gave me advise: to take the time that I needed to reflect on everything that just happened and not rush into my next job, which is what I normally would have done. That advice resonated with me. It’s so easy for us to keep going but it’s necessary for us to stop and reflect. For the first time ever! I took time for myself, to catch up on so many things I was putting off, discovered new things and in the midst of all of that, I pulled out my goals and saw that I wanted to open a dance fitness studio in 10 years. I don’t know how many of you write your goals down. I always had goals but it wasn’t until last year that I wrote out my 1 year, 5 year and 10 year goals on paper. Some were small, others were big, or audacious as some may say, and one was to open a dance fitness studio in 10 years.

It was November 2011 that I decided that I was going to do it NOW and not wait until 2021. I began planning out what further education/certifications I needed, began writing out my business plan and started to research locations. It was a very risky decision. But why not try? If I fail, I fail. I won’t die. Instead when I do pass, I will do so knowing that I tried and by trying, I have already succeeded.

Within a month of my new found path I learned that I was pregnant. What a life changing event! With my husband’s support we decided that we were still going to go forward with opening our studio. It simply felt like the right path for us.

Children are the great gift the universe gives us.

The day I found out that all the financing went through was the same day I went into labor/gave birth. Though one had no cause and effect on the other, I do think it was poignant that they both happened on the same day. We are never given anything we can’t handle and everything happens when it should. There is no such thing as too early or too late, it is simply right NOW.

Last year I lost my job and today I own my own studio where I get to give the best of me to anyone and everyone that walks in. How awesome is that?!

Owning a business takes a lot of time, however, I work harder on maintaining balance with work and family. If you have already been to the studio, you probably met my little one. I bring him in on days that he isn’t with his grandparents. It allows me to spend precious time playing with him. I don’t get so caught up with my work and the numerous tasks that need to be completed. Instead, I live in the moment and let the day’s energy guide me. Having an 8 week old baby in front of me smiling and giggling and simply enjoying being; there is no way that I can get caught up in my job and what tasks need to get accomplished and miss out on that beautiful, beautiful soul.

The reason I even wrote opening a studio on my goals was because I found that in teaching my dance and fitness classes and in caring for my mother that I loved being at service for people. I enjoyed giving myself (all of me) to help others any way that I could. I had been teaching fitness classes part time for more than 6 years and enjoyed it so much more than my “career.” I couldn’t find myself going back to work for another corporate company and not see my baby for 8-10 hours a day. I wanted to have the flexibility to spend as much time as I could with him and lead/teach classes.

Dancetuary is created to be a haven for adults to come and find peace within themselves. We all have had pivotal moments in our lives but it is our outlook and response that defines us. This is a place to come together and find support in the pursuit of our health and personal goals. We offer dance, dance fitness, and mind body classes so as to provide a balanced workout schedule. I feel that through body movement we strengthen the physical and mental mind. Body movement can be anything but think about how much fun it is through dance and dance fitness and how soothing, calming and/or spiritual it is through yoga or other forms of mind body classes.

Balancing Baby and Business

Balancing Baby and Business (October 2012)

I mentioned in my previous blog that the day I gave birth to my son was the same day I received the funding for Dancetuary. WOW—what an amazing night! A night filled with new beginnings and faith to carry me through the unknown. Faith in myself and the universe that the path I am headed is the right one. I didn’t think for one minute that I couldn’t do both—raise a new born and run a new business. I was pumped, excited, energized, ready!

After a week or so of getting adjusted with my new born, I began working on getting the location set up. I worked while he slept. The first month of his life was a roller coaster ride with little sleep and the days flying by. I didn’t want to miss any awake time with him and at the same time I needed to paint, organize and promote. What helped me through was the surplus of support of my family and friends!

Remain positive, flexible, and open minded.

So as you can imagine, the balancing part has been tough. I wouldn’t be authentic if I didn’t admit it. I realized that it isn’t that easy to follow a schedule, a to do list, a time clock, etc. when you have a newborn. My schedule was in his control and I had to be grateful for what I was able to accomplish on a daily basis. This was one of my first learnings in motherhood.

How often do we, at the end of our day, stress about not getting done everything that needed to get done? Stay working late or bring work home to accomplish more in the workday? I used to work all the time, I would push my personal life aside and do everything I can to complete my workload. I described this as having a good work ethic. In reality, I was just silly! Having a good work ethic is working hard and being committed to what we are doing. It has nothing to do with working an additional 10-20 hours in our work week. Also, why look at everything that didn’t get done? What about summarizing all that we did accomplish? That is so much more beneficial and positive. And being positive allows us to live a life we love—NOW!

Prioritize what matters most. In other word, stand for something.

When I decided to open Dancetuary, I reached out to a friend, who is a dance studio owner. Her advice to me was to make sure I make time for my family. I was so surprised that she didn’t give me marketing advice, operational advice or the do’s and don’ts to the industry. She said make sure you have balance in your life and have time for your family.

My husband and I had created a schedule as to the days I would have the baby here with me at the studio and the days he would be with his grandparents. It has been hard, but when I think about how hard it is or that I have so much to do, I actually stop whatever task I am doing and spend time with my baby. We all need to do this, just when you think you may not have enough time in the day, you get to that stressed out point—what if you just stopped and go to the one thing that will relax you and put you at ease. It may be a place, meditation, working out, or time spent with a loved one. Whatever you were working on will still be there waiting for you, so just put it on hold and enjoy your life at that moment.

I learned a long time ago that the time spent with people, family, and friends mattered most. The time missed from spending with each other doesn’t come back. Your to do list will still be there but your baby will be a day, week, month or year older. When it comes to people I NOW do all that I can to not sacrifice my time with them any longer. I have been there, where I have said let me take care of all of this and I will see them later, next week, next time. However, it has been way too many people that have passed by me, or the physical world where our connection never developed, flourished, or didn’t become what it could have become. Instead relationships became unhealthy, negative, or nonexistent simply because of the lack of time spent.

If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. –Malcolm X I stand for ALL my family, existing friends, and all my new friends that I am making every day at Dancetuary.

WE are all ONE.

We all have one head so we can only where one hat, not multiples. What I mean by this is that we are ONE being all the time. At work, at home, with friends, or business contacts, we are ourselves. If you thought you were putting on your work hat when you stepped into your job, or your family hat when you go to visit your sister—news flash—you are not. You are still the same person, regardless of what hat you put on, what day it is, or where you are going. We can’t hide the argument with the husband, the milestone our baby had or that we are simply human. It will show in your demeanor, tone, body language—you name it, it’s there.

I have to remind myself of this often. I used to go to work on Monday after spending the weekend with my dying mother and act as if all in my life was roses. That created a wall between me and many of the people I worked with because I wasn’t sharing myself with them when they were sharing themselves with me. This was a significant learning for me and one that I am still working on. But I look forward to sharing myself with many of our guests here at Dancetuary and allowing the space for them share with me.

The first thing that I openly share with them is my son, simply by just having him at the studio. This may seem minor but sharing with others what I love most is a very vulnerable position for me—one that I am enjoying and learning every day.

So this is how I am balancing baby and business so far. I know it’s not rocket science but it is definitely applicable to all that we do in life—with or without baby. Check in with me in a couple of months for an update. :D

xoxo

Abi